Letters to my children...

Sisters

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 11:31:35 -0500

I watch the two of you together. Nova is curious about her baby sister with the chubby cheeks and ruddy hair. She knows she is supposed to love her and be gentle with her but she so wants to play. Sometimes it leads to a crying baby sister, but we know you didn’t mean it. In those moment my heart aches. As the older sister there will be many moments where you do things that you didn’t mean to, but because you’re still so young you won’t understand why everyone is suddenly flocking to this baby, who came AFTER you. Where is YOUR attention? Why doesn’t anyone coo over you anymore?

I know that there were times when I felt really resentful of my younger siblings. I love them to death, but I also wished that for just a moment, I could have my Mom all to myself again.

I want to teach you that when you want a moment with me, I hope you will ask for it. I hope that I will have moments with each of you, and that we will have many, many, many moments TOGETHER.

I hope that as sisters you grow closer than you can possibly imagine. I hope you team up against your Dad and I and I hope that you find solace one another when faces with the “unfairness” of it all.

I also hope you want to dress up in Princess outfits at Disneyland and that you will let me take your picture.

You’re as different as night and day, but hopefully we will teach you to love each other with your whole hearts. When your family is also your friend the bond you share is incredible. I wish that for both of you with all my heart.

Favorite songs to sing you to sleep. Baby Mine.

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 13:41:00 -0400

Favorite songs to sing you to sleep.

Baby Mine.

Favorite songs to sing you to sleep. Winkin, Blinkin and Nod

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 13:40:00 -0400

Favorite songs to sing you to sleep.

Winkin, Blinkin and Nod

"Dive for Dreams dive for dreams or a slogan may topple you (trees are their roots and wind is wind)..."

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 13:26:00 -0400

“

Dive for Dreams

dive for dreams
or a slogan may topple you
(trees are their roots
and wind is wind)
trust your heart
if the seas catch fire
(and live by love
though the stars walk backward)
honour the past
but welcome the future
(and dance your death
away at the wedding)
never mind a world
with its villains or heroes
(for good likes girls
and tomorrow and the earth)
in spite of everything
which breathes and moves, since Doom
(with white longest hands
neating each crease)
will smooth entirely our minds
-before leaving my room
i turn, and (stooping
through the morning) kiss
this pillow, dear
where our heads lived and were.

silently if, out of not knowable

silently if, out of not knowable
night’s utmost nothing,wanders a little guess
(only which is this world)more my life does
not leap than with the mystery your smile
sings or if(spiralling as luminous
they climb oblivion)voices who are dreams,
less into heaven certainly earth swims
than each my deeper death becomes your kiss
losing through you what seemed myself,i find
selves unimaginably mine;beyond
sorrow’s own joys and hoping’s very fears
yours is the light by which my spirit’s born:
yours is the darkness of my soul’s return
-you are my sun,my moon,and all my stars

-e.e. cummings

”

Becoming you.

Tue, 21 Aug 2012 16:33:00 -0400

Dear Baby Luxy,

We found out that you are a girl and thought long and hard about what to call you. What sort of name would you carry with you throughout your life, wear with pride, and write on forms from the moment you can put pen to paper. It is so important to us that you enjoy your name and find some small measure of joy in sharing it with others.

The reactions will be many, and varied. From “that’s interesting” to “how unusual” and some might even tell you they flat out dislike it. I hope you will take each comment in stride and treasure the compliments even as you discard the insults.

Your name means “light”. Your Mama the academic took Latin for 3 years, and your Daddy the astronomer has a special affinity with the sky above us. We named your Big Sister Nova because we love the idea of a supernova, which is what they call it when a star explodes. While she is linked to this astronomical phenomenon that occurs so rarely in space and time, you are our constant. Where she may be wild and leave destruction in her beautiful wake, you may wake us with smiles and gentle touches.

Even at 1, she lives up to her name. She craves independence and has a larger than life presence. Like the sun, we know that you will be there always, no less important or beautiful and equally as necessary. You are the light of our lives.

Calliope is another story. It was chosen because we want to remind you that you are part of a family. You are as much a part of us as we are of you. Since your Daddy’s name is Cale and we couldn’t settle for anything as simply as Caley, or as obvious, we eventually compromised on Calliope. The goddess of poetry. Maybe this inclusion will craft in you a personality that is kind and gentle and flowing. Maybe you’ll love to read and interpret the words of other. Maybe you’ll feel how important you are to us every time we say the name out loud. And always, we hope that it will make you think of your Dad, and me, who love you always.

I hope that you will be happy with our choice. It’s one of the harder ones we have to make as parents and trust me when I tell you that we didn’t select it ambivalently.

I cannot wait to put a face to the name. I feel that you like it already, since after it’s selection you began to move inside of me with renewed vigour. I love calling you by name and having you respond. I cannot wait to meet you in 15 short weeks. They can’t come quickly enough.

Love,
Mama

Dear babies, Nerdiness = endearing. Don’t be afraid to fly...

Fri, 13 Jul 2012 14:27:59 -0400

Dear babies,

Nerdiness = endearing. Don’t be afraid to fly your dork flag as high as possible. The people who matter will love you for it. <3

Love,
Mama.

Happy first birthday my sweet love. It is impossible for me to...

Sat, 30 Jun 2012 23:19:35 -0400

Happy first birthday my sweet love. It is impossible for me to love you any less.

Step 225: Get married for the right reasons

Sat, 30 Jun 2012 23:16:16 -0400

My dearest darlings,

This is advice you NEED to take. Do NOT issue ultimatums, do NOT assume that you want to be married because your friends are, you feel like you should, or simply because you feel like “time is running out”. Please, please, please, get married because you sincerely and unequivocally want to spend the rest of your life with someone.

My marriage to your Dad is a decision that neither of us regret. Even if, down the road, we lose our intensity for one another, we will never lose our AFFECTION. It is so important to have a real kinship, and friendship, with your spouse and to commit yourself to someone who isn’t afraid of change, or unwilling to accept it.

I wish you nothing but absolute, real love all throughout your lifetimes, and I hope that I will set a standard that you will strive to match in your future spouses. Love should be unconditional but also compromising. I love your Dad, but I don’t put up with his crap. ;)

I could probably write you a book about all the things you should look for in a lifelong partner, but this covers the gist of it.

Wait until it REALLY feels right. When it’s been so long that you’ve had real arguments, dealt with real issues, compromised, and can see all of their many facets. Good, bad, ugly, irritating, and of course, wonderful. If the pros still outweigh the cons after all of that…well…that’s a big maybe.

I love you.

Your Mama.

adulting:

Y’all. Y’all. It’s time for a Very Special Guest Entry, because Sarah, of Yes and Yes, has weighed in on something of terrific importance.

In case you’re not familiar with Yes and Yes, it’s like this blog, except funnier, more consistent and with better travel tips. Recently, Sarah released the Post-College Survival Kit; this entry is but one star in that glittering galaxy. Highly recommended. Anyway. Sarah?

So you’ve been with your lover/partner/girl/boyfriend for a few years. You live together, you attend company barbecues together, you wear sweatpants in each others’ company. Everybody you know is getting married, and now you kind of want to. But your mister/miss isn’t that keen. A few steps to sort that business out.

1. Have a good think about why you want to get married

Are you ready to start a family? Do you need concrete evidence that they’re committed to building a future with you? Are all your friends getting married?

If all your friends are getting married, have a really, really, REALLY big think before you start pressuring your partner. Almost everything in life is socially contagious and if all your friends are walking down the aisle, it’s easy to swept up in the wedding fever. How would you feel about marriage if none of your friends were married?

It’s also worth noting that if you’re living together, that’s pretty good evidence that they’re committed to you and a future with you. Unless you moved in together mostly for financial and convenience reasons. Thaaaat’s a whole different post.

Read More

Dear Nova, These letters written for you every year on your...

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 04:05:56 -0400

Dear Nova,

These letters written for you every year on your birthday are for you and whomever you decide to share them with. We love you so much that having to reduce those feelings to words seems impossible, but we will try.

Thank you for being such a tremendous part of our lives.

Love,
Mama

One on One

Wed, 06 Jun 2012 14:35:26 -0400

Dear sweet children,

I promise to take you, individually, to Disneyland (or a place of your choosing) so that you can go on any ride you want, eat all the bad food you can handle, and have my undivided attention for the duration of our stay.

There will be many, many family vacations in your lifetimes, but I know what it is to crave individual attention from time to time, and I want to do my best to make you feel special, and set you apart from the pack.

Love,
Mama

The oldest.

Life Lesson

Tue, 29 May 2012 17:38:00 -0400

Life Lesson:

Dear children,

Learn this lesson earlier rather than later. It will be one of your most useful skill sets and save you a lot of time and heartache later on.

Love,
Mama.

adulting:

I have a hard time saying no when the other person wants a yes. This is, I think, a very female trait, though I’m sure males do it too. But a resentful, insincere yes is no good.

Prime example: I am so happy to loan out about 60 percent of my clothes, wary but ultimately OK with 35 percent, and…

tamaralakeman.wordpress.com

Sat, 12 May 2012 02:36:43 -0400

tamaralakeman.wordpress.com

Mother's Day

Sat, 12 May 2012 02:33:00 -0400

Dear Children,

I feel so privileged to be your Mama. I hope that you are happy with your lot in the parent lottery and that even through your teen years, you remember how much I adore you. I promise that I never need anything more than a hand-made card for all of the Mother’s Days that pass for us. Don’t worry about buying me anything or burning me Breakfast in Bed. Just put your hand in some paint and put that hand print on a card so that I can pull it out of its resting place in a keepsake box many years after you move away from our home to begin your own independent life, press my own hand against it, and remember how complete my life is because of you. <3

Love, Mama.

"Dr. Alan Grant: Try to imagine yourself in the Cretaceous Period. You get your first look at this..."

Fri, 11 May 2012 14:03:23 -0400

“Dr. Alan Grant: Try to imagine yourself in the Cretaceous Period. You get your first look at this “six foot turkey” as you enter a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement like T-Rex - he’ll lose you if you don’t move. But no, not Velociraptor. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that’s when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side,
[makes ‘whoshing’ sound] from the other two ‘raptors you didn’t even know were there. Because Velociraptor’s a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this… a six-inch retractable claw, like a razor, on the the middle toe. He doesn’t bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say… no no. He slashes at you here… or here… or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is… you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know… try to show a little respect.”

"Remember that there are only three kinds of things anyone need ever do. (1) Things we ought to do..."

Fri, 11 May 2012 13:28:30 -0400

“Remember that there are only three kinds of things anyone need ever do. (1) Things we ought to do (2) Things we’ve got to do (3) Things we like doing. I say this because some people seem to spend so much of their time doing things for none of the three reasons, things like reading books they don’t like because other people read them. Things you ought to do are things like doing one’s school work or being nice to people. Things one has got to do are things like dressing and undressing, or household shopping. Things one likes doing — but of course I don’t know what you like. Perhaps you’ll write and tell me one day.”

- C.S. Lewis

http://www.flickr.com/photos/66143950@N03/6031573966/

Fri, 11 May 2012 13:21:22 -0400

http://www.flickr.com/photos/66143950@N03/6031573966/

Finding out about No. 2

Fri, 11 May 2012 13:16:00 -0400

Dear Nova,

I am having another baby. Now I will have TWO babies. That’s right, you will always be my first baby. I don’t want to call this baby the “new” baby because that would make you the “old” baby. Rather, I’ll refer to you as if you are Dr. Seuss characters. 1 and 2. Not to constantly remind you that you were first and they were second, or that one of you is more important than the other, but as a simple chronological reminder. I hope that you never feel like you have been replaced, because no one can replace you. I hope that my efforts to make you feel special and attended to will not go unnoticed. I hope that you always feel loved and that you know that my heart will never be full, no matter how many other babies I have. It has a special spot for each of you that will never decrease in size.

Dear Baby Inside Me,

Even though you didn’t come first, we will always try to make sure that we don’t show favouritism or leave you out. Your personality and talents will be so greatly different from those of your siblings and each of those needs to be addressed in its own turn. Being second doesn’t mean we will be lazier or less attentive, it simply means that I’ll spend less time researching because I am more able to trust my instincts when it comes to you, and will be a much more confident parent. I will worry about you just as much as your sister, and I will do my best to celebrate rather than compare your differences. We are all very excited to get to know you.

Love, Mama.

Nova

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 02:42:58 -0400

I can hardly remember anymore the sleepless nights of your newborn state. One hand holding your impossibly small foot as you slept in the co-sleeper between us because I couldn’t stand to not be touching you every single moment of every single day.

My heart aches to think that those nights are over. That you won’t trust in me with the same abandon now that I’ve gotten soap in your eyes, or cut your fingernails too short accidentally.

You must be starting to realize that I am only human and I come with many flaws.

But I will always remember you as the babe who looked at me for the first time with nothing but love in your eyes. I will remember your baby smell and how I can still never get enough of it. I will remember the first smile, clap, squeal, laugh, wiggle, and the first breath you took without me.

There are so many things to celebrate now and in the future and I look forward to all of them, but I can never forget from where we’ve come.

My sweet love.

This moment. Unforgettable.

Sat, 31 Mar 2012 03:03:33 -0400

This moment. Unforgettable.

"First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU..."

Sat, 31 Mar 2012 02:38:00 -0400

“

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Bea……uty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen”

”

- http://www.amazon.ca/Bossypants-Tina-Fey/dp/0316056863